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Serving
Up Chicken Salad
(At
least they told us it was chicken salad)
Labor
Day in Atlanta…a dark gray ugly rainy day…I am
alone in my office staring at the computer. I have
spent the last three hours getting ready to get ready.
Even though I already know what the article is
going to be about I want to be sure I say it
perfectly.
Growing
up in the Deep South, all of my life I have always
enjoyed our unique culture and colorful
lifestyle…and, most of all, I enjoy our rich
Southern brand of humor. Southerners can slip in a
joke or an insult between the lines that’ll go right
past the person you’re talking to until about five
minutes later. Then you see that look on their
face…and you know they’re wondering just exactly
what did he mean by that…and you know that they have
just realized that you know that they know that you
know they know they’ve been had. This is especially
rewarding when you are dealing with pompous
condescending people who believe you’re the one
that’s stupid.
In
my travels I am often honored and privileged to have
the opportunity to visit some of my dealer friends
from the Great State of Texas. Make no mistake about
it Texans are a breed unto themselves. You haven’t
done anything until you’ve partied down with a bunch
of Texans. Here we were eating Texas taters and steaks
as big as your head in one of those restaurants where
you drink Long Neck Beer and throw the peanut shells
on the floor…me and twenty Chevrolet dealers getting
rowdy, telling bawdy jokes and swapping war stories
about the car business. I am reasonably certain at
some point or another that evening at least one lie
might possibly have been told.
Inevitably,
sooner or later, at a gathering of Chevrolet Dealers
and an instigator, in the presence of food and
alcohol, as you might reasonably assume the
conversation drifted and, we found ourselves
discussing “The Factory”.
One
gentleman in snakeskin boots pointed out that he
believed Mr. Zarella would have great difficulty
correctly identifying “Shineola” in a two-item
comparison test. I pointed out to him that Mr. Zarella
might take those boots personally. Most of the group
agreed however that regardless of where he fell he
came out smelling like a rose. Of course I pointed out
Zarella was serving the dealers another dish although
he was telling them it was “Chicken Salad”.
Whether
or not you’ve noticed it, there’ve been quite a
few high-profile factory executives selling dealers
large helpings of their personal recipe “Chicken
Salad” lately. Well I have news for the “Factory
Guys” (And Gals)…we know the difference between
Chicken Salad and any other Chicken by-product no
matter how you serve it up.
The
good news is General Motors is on a roll! Damn, I hate
to say it…but if Zarella doesn’t do anything
off-the-wall (as in stupid) these guys (gals) seem to
have gathered some momentum …for the moment anyway.
God help me but I am actually catching myself starting
to sort of like Ron Zarella. (I plead temporary
insanity) He’s saying all of the right things to the
dealers. They have got some great product in the tubes
and Lutz is a superstar. Whether he’s sincere or
not, it appears to me that maybe Zarella’s had some
sort of epiphany. Is he really sorry for all of the
rotten despicable things he’s allegedly said and
done to dealers?
I have had lunch or breakfast with three
vice-presidents of major automobile manufacturers in
the last three months.
Here’s
a challenge…Ron, you pay the airfare, all expenses
(first-class) and the hotel bill (I checked the
balance you guys do have that much left in the company
account) and I would like to meet with you
face-to-face, polite like gentlemen, civilized, no
jabs, no barbs or puns, one-on-one, off-the-record, no
hidden agenda, and, if you convince me you’re on the
dealers’ side…then I’ll write something nice
about you and your business plan. Whatta-ya-say big
guy…I’m game? The question is have you got Cajones?
I know you read this column…I’ve heard about your
reactions to my articles. It’s a major topic of
discussion in your meetings. I urge every dealer to
give Ron a call about this.
I
told you so didn’t I?
In August I was the keynote speaker for the
Michigan State Auto dealers annual convention. This
was my first opportunity to meet Jim Schroer,
face-to-face. I know…I know…I called him “John
Boy” from “The Waltons” when he was with Ford.
Hey look. This guy seems sincere and is really
extremely quick, humorous and likeable. I’ve got to
say he talks a great game. I’ve got to admit, I am
sort of a Jim Schroer fan on the personal side. Of
course, I still harbor a deep-seated suspicion he may
be clue-impaired after reading some of his quotes in
the August 20th issue of Auto Snooze.
I just don’t get it. Why do these factory
guys seem to stand at the plate watching three pitches
go by over the plate?
Let’s take a trip back in time okay?
In
March of 2000 I wrote an article titled “Quality is
Job One” in which I wrote these words… “Chrysler
cars fired the public imagination…the cars looked
good... the trucks had imagination and styling. The
best thing about Chrysler was that they wasted very
little energy tinkering with retail. They left the
profit margins intact so their dealers could wheel and
deal with the customers and the banks, while Ford and
GM were sticking it to their dealers with value
pricing and compressed margins.”
Now,
look what you’ve done! These alleged fools are
cutting the margins on Chrysler products. This was
Chrysler’s only real strength in the marketplace.
The fact that Chrysler products had “room” in the
sticker to dicker and to structure deals that the
banks could accept, especially on upside-down
customers, this was your edge over Ford and General
Motors. Now, some MBA alleged morons with no
real-world, real-life retail expertise have erased
your ability to wheel and deal, which is what the
customers really want.
Are
you people brain-dead or what? Price DOES NOT sell
cars! Cheap cars and rebates don’t move units. The
majority of today’s customers are only driven by
monthly budget...it’s all about payments.
Payments...that’s all that matters…the end!
Lease or retail, it doesn’t matter. The only
reason rebates work is because they drive payments
down. Listen Jim Schroer…you got the same deal I
offered Zarella…one-on-one…face-to-face, you pay
for it and I’ll be there.
Well,
it definitely ain’t Chicken Salad…its Blue Oval
Certification and it’s on the ropes, getting beaten
up and feeling a little groggy. As predicted in my
previous articles, Ford is losing this one and I think
they know it.
Even
though the final vote is not yet in, it appears that
by the time you read this North Carolina’s
legislature will have overwhelmingly approved a bill
banning Ford’s Blue Oval Certification program in
that state. Look for as many as a dozen other states
to follow suit. This is only the beginning. The
success of the North Carolina Automobile Dealers
Association will trigger legislative
counter-offensives against Ford’s certification
program in many other states. I have followed this
thing every step of the way from the beginning. In the
last eight months I have enjoyed frequent
conversations with Bob Glaser, NCADA president and my
good friend Dan Myers about the significance of these
issues.
This
is just one of those things that makes me scratch my
head and say, “Damn”. What are these people
thinking about anyway? Ford’s dogged legal assault
on their own dealers and dealer’s organizations as
well as their attacks on dealer protective franchise
laws are unconscionable. Over and over again they just
keep on coming.
At
a time when Ford’s dealer relations are at the very
lowest…the very bottom of the barrel…in the NADA
surveys, they profess they want better dealer
relations but then they unleash another horde of
attorneys out there trying to defeat and circumvent
states’ franchise protection laws. You want your
dealers to like you? Then stop screwing with them.
Back Off!
Ford
Motor Company just got their butts handed to
them…again… in Texas by the U.S. Court of appeals
about selling direct on the Intenet. They just don’t
get it.
I
predict we’ll continue to see more lawsuits piling
up against Ford Motor Company by Ford dealers. With
five lawsuits in motion and a coalition of 25 State
dealer associations building up a war chest to file a
sixth, Ford will soon be fighting their own dealers
and dealer organizations in courtrooms across the
nation. Then, there is going to be a lot of legal
maneuvering as Ford continues to take on the states
legislatures. Politicians have long memories. This is
certain to draw a lot of negative news coverage for a
company that really needs to get its problems and
perceived mismanagement out of the national news
arena.
Everyone’s
watching what’s happening in New Jersey with the
five dealers who are suing Ford over this obviously
blatant two-tiered pricing scheme. In September the
U.S. District Court is expected to rule on Ford’s
motion to dismiss the case. If Ford does not
successfully get the case thrown out, it will then be
eligible to become a class action for all Ford dealers
nationwide. Whoa Nellie…if Ford really naively
believes dealers love this dastardly double-cross
let’s see how many of their dealers line up to sue
them when this becomes class-actionable?
Ford
and their attorneys are trying to feed us some more
smelly aromatic pungent Chicken Salad with the
apparently bogus argument that most Ford dealers are
really in support of the program. Every reputable
survey that I have seen indicates to me that statement
is more stinky Chicken Salad.
Then
they (Ford attorneys) point to recent alleged J.D.
Power research (Dave Power is in my opinion the
undisputed King of smelly Chicken Salad?) that shows
Ford as the “most improved brand” in the industry.
J.D.
Power/research? Is that an oxymoron? Are you laughing
as hard as I am here? Do we want to really talk about
obvious and apparent lack of credibility and ethic
here or what? Ford is attributing customer
satisfaction gains to Blue Oval instead of the fact
J.D. Power and Associates is drawing a huge paycheck
from them. Most improved brand? Is that before or
after the back glass fell out of the new Explorers and
we had to ship the new T-Birds back to Wixom? Was that
before the tires blew up? Was that before recalls
outnumbered production of new cars?
Now,
I could believe a J.D. Power survey if it said most
dramatic loss of profits and market share due to top
management’s ineptitude. I believe in future legal
battles Dealers’ attorneys will (rightfully so)
attack the credibility and validity, not to mention
apparent conflict(s) of interest, of J.D. Power and
Associates.
One
thing’s certain… you can expect every
manufacturer, import and domestic, to develop their
own versions of Blue Ovary Certification if Ford wins
(With the cash incentives/penalties). I believe
General Motors, Honda and Toyota already have their
programs in place and ready to launch. This is about
domination and control…and ultimately factory
ownership. If Ford wins I believe everybody’s going
to get screwed.
What
in the hell are you guys thinking about anyway?
The headline says it all (Wall Street Journal) “Ford’s
Chief Executive says He Sees No Relief in Sight in
Current Economy. Jacques Nasser said he expects no
relief soon from economic and competitive pressures
weighing down the automakers profits.” It seems
to me like our boy Jacques Nasser has thrown in the
towel. In Southern colloquialism…the boy has
Cut-n’-Run so-to-speak. According to the Wall Street
Journal it appears Jac is hunkering down under his
desk shivering with both arms folded over his head.
Jac…Hey
Jac listen this is Ziegler…Come on Jac snap out of
it…from me to you, slap a little cold water over
your face…get a hold of yourself…don’t you dare
back out on us now like some cowering wimp. You got us
into this mess… and now you lead us out of it. You
created it, now you sit in it. The Japanese and the
Germans aren’t backing off, are they Jacques? As a
matter of fact they’re gearing up to steal all of
that market share you’ve allegedly pissed away. (My
opinion again) You’re having all of these Dealer
Town Meetings and telling everyone that you’re here
to stay and how secure your position is…well by what
right do you hang onto the job? It’s certainly not a
performance-based continuing employment is it?
Jacques, I am challenging you to do something positive
for the first time in the history of your
dictatorship. (Opinion)
In
an interview at plant headquarters Nasser was quoted
as saying there will be additional plant closings and
that he anticipates more layoffs and early retirements
beyond the initial 5000 white collar employees whose
heads are on the chopping block. (My opinion
again…they’re one short) He cites increased
competition from the European and Japanese
manufacturers as one reason for the retreat. Of
course, the fact that they build quality automobiles
that are safe because they are not built with cost-cut
parts ever occurred to him. Am I the only one here who
gets it? Ford motor Company has surrendered to the
imports. Jacques has given up the ship and he is
already headed for the lifeboats. Now we have our own
quasi-imports like Jaguar and Aston-Martin and Volvo.
I am still wondering how Jacques and company is
planning to redesign the Aston-Martin so it will look
like another big Taurus? They already have the all-new
Jaguar S Series Big Taurus.
Jacques,
listen up a second…this is just between us…me to
you…Ziegler to Jacques, okay…mano to mano…you
know what I mean. Just my opinion, mind you, but…it
seems like you’re way over our head here little
buddy. Personally,
I believe you’ve ruined the crown jewels of American
industry. Now Jac, you and I both know Billy ain’t
about to step into the middle of this, it’s not in
his nature…and Edsel’s hiding behind the couch.
You’re out there all by yourself little buddy and
you’re blowing it. I can feel your pain. You are
downsizing Ford Motor Company. Think about it. Shake
yourself out of that alleged little pea-brained
bean-counter mentality for just a second here. You
don’t cost-cut your way into a profit…you
aggressively sell your way out of it.
Jacques,
listen little buddy, you just launched the new T-Bird
with major safety defects. They were selling that
sucker on eBay.com for $20,000 over sticker you had a
winner on your hands. The concept was brilliant. Who
could possibly have screwed this up now? THEN…all of
a sudden we had a problem with a supplier’s
part…allegedly from a Japanese manufacturer (not
American tsk-tsk) that caused a situation where there
might be engine fires. Jacques…one question, from me
to you…were these defective parts and assemblies
another result of your cost cutting excesses? How
could you possibly allow yet still another new product
launch to become such a public relations abortion? How
about the fact that there was another customer related
situation where the battery of the new Thunderbird,
which is mounted in the trunk, billowed smoke and
fumes because the terminals were exposed because there
were only two little cheap plastic caps covering them?
Is this your idea of Quality is Job One?
Well
it’s midnight and I have been locked up in this room
for six hours. I don’t know if I am really happy
with this article but I am certain somebody needed to
say it. My intent is to pour myself another snifter of
Remy-Martin Cognac and sit here in the moonlight
coming in through the window contemplating what’s
next. As a matter of fact, I think I’ll check the
fridge to see if there are any leftover Chicken Salad
sandwiches.
More
Food For Thought
I
genuinely cried long and hard when I heard about it.
The man was a giant in our industry…he was a legend.
For more than twenty years he was my hero. There
wasn’t even one column inch in Automotive News…not
even a mention of his passing. I had to hear it on the
street from somebody in the business.
This
man had a greater impact and was more influential in
the careers of more dealers, managers and automobile
sales professionals than anyone who ever lived. I know
he was a major factor in my development. He is the one
who inspired me to start my company more than two
decades ago.
On
March 26th, Jackie B. Cooper died.
Thousands all over the world attended his seminars. He
was famous in the USA, Australia and Europe. He was
featured on factory training videos. On the Internet
there is a single page memorial website at http://www.JackieBCooper.com
. I’ll tell you what…drop me a note or an
email about your best Jackie B. Cooper memory.
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